Deleting 14 Pages, Whole Foods and Good Endings.
I wrote a blog post some weeks ago in which I spoke about deleting four pages (some low number like that. I really don't want to go check) and at the time it felt like a huge amount of effort just erased. Well, I just deleted fourteen pages of writing from the final Bulldog novel because I decided to go another way with the chapter concluding Jacob and Cleo's stories. This week I wanted to discuss how that feels, removing hours of effort from your manuscript just to save the rest of its fluidity, I also wanted to discuss veganism but more importantly my strives to become whole-food plant based and also good endings both in life and literature. We can have a little catch up on everything else before I wave your ship back out into murky waters, let me ramble for a minute.
Those fourteen pages, I want to call them collateral damage for the greater health of the novel, they came from days of sitting around at the desk and pulling imaginary hair out of my head. Writing fucking sucks, it can be the most amazing feeling when a great idea flashes into your mind and your characters lead you down a path you never saw coming, but for the majority of the time - writing it just hard work. For me anyway, others might gloss it over as some magical feeling the entire process but personally, I think that's bullshit. I wrote FOURTEEN pages, that at the time I thought could be a great leaping platform for my characters to reach their final goal. But as I sat, read back what I wrote and really did some thinking about what my characters, these mythical beings, would actually say in this situation or how they would really react. After that I was convinced this collection of pages didn't work. Cleo was becoming one-note, Jacob was descending into a cliché and the surrounding characters felt flat. So much like I am prone to do, I went nuclear and deleted it all - the next day I went back to the desk, I rewrote what I felt was a cleaner and truer ending to this final chapter for these two characters. Emotionally, it felt terrifying, deleting hours and hours of painstaking work because you know its not going to aide the greater story felt like chopping off a frostbitten thumb before it eats the hand dead. I guess that's what writing can be sometimes, chopping off the rot to allow the flesh to grow back stronger.
Bulldog 3 (the title is yet to be confirmed) is close to finally entering its completed first draft stage, I know you shouldn't edit within the first draft but this felt more like emergency surgery than editing. The characters teach me, Stephen King taught me that, if the plot doesn't feel real or correct, it is likely because I am pushing the characters along instead of letting them develop naturally in the environment I created for them. I still have Sloane, Vic and Baba to close out but we are close now. Worryingly close and I expect to have it finished and into the editing phase before May.
This might be where I lose a good portion of you, but stick with me and I will maybe put some seeds into the fertile ground of the open-considerate mind. Pumpkin seeds maybe, or Flax if the prices aren't ruining our day.
I have been vegan for seven or eight years now, I cant remember exactly, Tanya would know but she is off working to help keep the NHS operational (damn woman doing good for the country). Within that time I made mistakes, particularly early on I slipped up with milk-powder in products I didn't expect, egg wash and once I was fooled by shitty Quorn labelling. But after a few months those problems and mistakes became learned lessons and since then I have been eating nothing but plant-based foods for almost a decade. Long story short, I was obese, mentally unwell and physically on an express route to a heart-attack or some other medical crisis. Veganism changed me both physically, mentally but also spiritually - and by that I don't mean I became some born again Christian, I mean that I became aware of my place in the universe and the damage I can cause in my actions.
Fast forward to last week, maybe earlier, Christ I am doing terribly with these dates and numbers today. I have been learning a recently (mainly with the help of Hench Herbivore) on replacing unhealthy vegan foods with whole food plants instead, swapping out simple things that can become unhealthy in vegans if eaten regularly like coconut oils, meat replacements and snack foods.
Side note: I am just about to end a 30 day private challenge I gave myself to ditch all snack foods that I had become addicted to without much thought (biscuits with my evening tea, ice lollies, sugary cereals and soft drinks). I will do a write up on my experience when I get my thoughts together because it has been an interested experiment as I coupled it with ditching Reddit for 30 days also. Stay tuned.
Anyhow, I am not unhealthy now, maybe still a bit overweight in the wrong places and a bit flabby in others. But these have now become my focus for physical health, I am still vegan, obviously, what maniac wouldn't be vegan in 2026? But I am now moving towards a whole-food plant based diet that will maximise my health and save me from an earlier grave. If you wanted to learn more do some research with articles on trusted sites like university research papers or search "Vegan" or "Whole foods" benefits. YouTube is great for informative and well respected vegans (Hench Herbivore, Earthling Ed, Joey Carbstrong, Rich Roll etc) but I don't want anyone to feel like this is just one persons opinion. I will keep some random updates on here regarding the progress towards whole-food plant based, it should be easy considering I am already entirely vegan, but it might have some surprising effects. Lets see what the plant gods have instore for me!
Now onto Good Endings.
Once upon a time I was a very anxious person, that was exploited by many in my life but after years of working on myself and a sprinkle of therapy I found a strong man beneath the skin. Now I am not entirely sure if anyone knows but I work in animal rescue as my day job, I say day job because I still believe that writing is my passion and that we shouldn't label people by their occupation. I mean if someone hates their job as a call handler (been there and I get it) but they love painting in their spare time, why wouldn't they announce themselves as a painter instead. Stop attaching your worth to the thing that pays the bills, you work in insurance and love hiking in your spare time - congratulations you will now answer the question of wHaT dO yOu Do? with a clear and proud "I am a hiker".
I lost my train of thought but I liked all that so I will leave it in.
Good endings, right. Well, I got news a while back that my current animal rescue was shutting down sometime in 2026. While that is obviously upsetting as the work I was doing has rehabilitated dogs and helped find them forever homes with families that are suitable for them to learn life is enjoyable again, but all good things end. This would have spiralled me a decade ago, but the man I am today looked at that news and said "That is sad, but what comes next?".
If the universe decides that the current path is not going ahead, if the chaos that some people label as "fate" or "gods plan" moves you off the well-trod and expected road then it is up to you and you alone to find a new route. This whole situation made me think about my books, I always fixate on the perfect ending, but some of the best books or some of the best authors are notoriously bad at wrapping up stories - the main examples jumping to mind right now are Orwell's 1984 which has a very weak ending and Stephen King who often misses the mark with soft endings (and that's coming from a man who has read almost everything the man write - he is literally my inspiration!)
What I am trying to say is that by losing the security of my future role at this specific animal rescue, I have realised something wonderful about my writing: Sometimes the ending isn't perfect. Sometimes the ending is just that, the end.
Wrapping up.
This turned into a long piece but I really enjoyed, maybe my head space is clearer today after a good work-out and a plant smoothie. But otherwise lets wrap up the rest of my life right now. Starting with the cat, Angel is still alive and well, her weight is great for her age/size now and the new medicines that vet recommended have done wonders for her constipation. My girl poops every day now or at worst every other, but she is happy and still keeping us tethered to the UK.
I have been rolling around an idea about starting a Vlogging channel on YouTube to discuss topics similar to this blog but perhaps in a more structured way. This all came from my growing annoyance at the amount of litter and dumping of rubbish around my local town: Waltham Abbey, I wanted to show people what is going on in spaces around the town that they might not see but are being ruined by some selfish and ungrateful cunts who don't recognise how lucky we are to be surrounded by green spaces and safety. The world is a shit show most of the time, historically that is true for half the world at one time or another, why would you be that dickish to your own space when times are good?
I might go for it, I saw a great YouTube short of a vegan food channel, this really charismatic German women, who spoke about battling perfection in timing and just doing it now. I liked that and the quote stuck with me. Anyway, I will link everyone I have mentioned somewhere below if anyone is interested, but I have chewed your ear enough for today.
Be safe out there, love your local town and keep your dusty goblin-ears covered up.
Recommendations:
Hench Herbivore - https://www.youtube.com/henchherbivore
Earthling Ed - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVRrGAcUc7cblUzOhI1KfFg
FitGreenMind (the German girl I mentioned) - https://www.youtube.com/@FitGreenMind
Also, BUY MY BOOKS!:
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